Holy Crap! Is That A Bear?
I know I’m not the only one with a “To Do” list a mile long, but recently I’ve had so much going on–in my life and in my head–that I started to feel a little overwhelmed. All I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t want to run, didn’t care about eating right; shoo…I didn’t even want to blog! This is pretty much the opposite of what anyone in their right mind would recommend to manage stress, but it’s so nice and quiet when my head is buried in the sand. What do you do when you feel stressed? Do you analyze the situation to death? Or zone out in front of the TV? Do you snap at people? Or maybe reach for a nice, comforting bag of chips?I’m not saying those aren’t fabulous coping mechanisms, but just for fun, let’s take a closer look at stress and see if we can’t come up with some alternatives.
What exactly is stress, anyway? It’s got a bad reputation, but it’s not always negative. All it really boils down to is this: stress is any change that you have to adapt to in a short amount of time. Some stressors are good things like “I just got engaged!” or “I got the job!” Some stress is needed to keep you motivated and challenged. Without any stress at all, you would probably be really bored and just kind of sitting there. Then, of course, there is the sucky kind of stress: We broke our engagement…I got fired…Unfortunately we can’t avoid the bad times, its just part of life. The key is balance: we need a little bit of stress to get us off our ass, but not so much that it knocks us on our ass.
Here’s the thing: your body doesn’t know the difference; no matter what is stressing you out, it always thinks you’re being chased through the woods by a bear. You’ve heard of the fight or flight response, right? It’s basically the body’s way of protecting us from danger. During this response: your breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure increases to deliver extra oxygen so you can run, your muscles tense in readiness to fight, your immune system gears up in case you get hurt, your body turns food into sugar and fat for energy, and slows down all systems that aren’t needed to battle the bear (oh you know, little things like digestion, and the thinking part of your brain).
Fortunately, your body has a built-in relaxation response to calm you down. Once the “threat” has passed, it brings your body back to a normal resting state so that you are ready and able to handle the next change that comes along. It’s pretty easy for your body to handle acute (or every-once-in-a-while) stress. Here’s where things start getting messy. It would be nice if we just had, say, one stressor per week. We would get stressed, flip out, and then calm down. Then get a nice little break before the next time the poo hit the fan. Unfortunately sometimes, we get stressed, then stressed again, then oh my God, what? More stress! When you get hammered like this and the stress becomes chronic, if you don’t know how to decompress your body doesn’t have time to recover, and next thing you know your jaw is clenched 24/7. Being stuck in the stress response for a prolonged length of time can lead to physiological, mental, and emotional consequences that range from headaches to depression to high blood pressure. The good news is: if you can learn how to chill yourself out between stressors, you can break that pattern.
So what do you do? A key part of stress management is learning how and when stress affects you. A little self-awareness couldn’t hurt, right? First things first: figure out your stress signs. Often, the rest of the world may know you’re stressed before you do. The idea is to feel it coming on early so you can nip it in the bud before you’re ripping someone’s head off for cutting in line at Starbucks. Common stress signs include physical indicators such as tense muscles or insomnia, or behavioral cues like overeating or grinding your teeth. Emotional and mental stress signs may include anxiety, frustration, forgetfulness, or difficulty concentrating. Any of these sound familiar? It might be a good idea to track your stress signs by jotting down any signs of stress as soon as you notice them. Over time, you will begin to see patterns emerge. Then when you’ve got your stress signs figured out, take a look at what’s triggering your stress responses. Are you triggered by environmental changes like moving to a new home, or changes involving other people like a disagreement with a co-worker? Or maybe you’re more stressed by changes to your body like getting sick, or to your mind like the fear of making a mistake?
Finally, it’s a good idea to learn some skills that will help you to elicit the aforementioned relaxation response. Practice makes perfect. If you can master a few skills that really work for you, then the next time you get cut off in traffic, or have to give a speech you can respond differently, or at least bounce back faster! There are many different approaches you can try. Relaxation and mental imagery techniques are great because they can help you learn to relax your body while your mind stays alert. Things like belly breathing and meditation can help you bring about the relaxation response when you need it. Expressive skills like writing, drawing, or making music can help you get in touch with your thoughts and feelings so that you don’t keep everything bottled up all the time. Exercise can be an excellent way to combat stress as well. Since the fight or flight response gets you all jacked up anyway, sometimes it helps to do something physical to blow off steam. Things like going for a walk, dancing, or doing some yoga might work for you. Along with eating right, being active also plays a role in stress management because the healthier you are, the easier it is to bounce back after the stress response.
Here’s the thing about stress: you may not always be able to change the things that stress you out, but you do have control over how you respond. Stop reacting to the stress, and start doing something about it. We don’t have to be controlled by this ancient survival mechanism any more. Unless a bear really is chasing you through the forest, and then all bets are off.
Originally published March 4, 2012