Monkey Mind

There I was on my yoga mat with a cool lavender towel covering my eyes, completely relaxed after an hour at one of my favorite yoga classes, and instead of allowing myself a blissful moment of silence, I was writing this opening line in my head…I know I’m not the only one who is constantly planning stuff, thinking about my next meal, and/or having long, detailed conversations with people in my head. Like, things I make up just to keep myself entertained drive myself crazy. The actual person I’m mentally conversing and/or arguing with is real, but the scenario is completely manufactured in my own mind. By the way, I am very eloquent in my made-up conversations, if I don’t say so myself. If you’re like me and your turn-ons include pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, dwelling on the past, and inventing doomsday futures in your own mind, then you may have anxiety like I do. But also, you could just be a regular human being whose brain runs amok. “Why am I so easily distracted?” we wonder <Look! Something shiny!> when we can’t even get a grip on our own thoughts a lot of the time. It can be difficult to concentrate on whatever is in front of you, when your brain is re-hashing an embarrassing moment from 2nd grade. What if I told you there might be a way to reign in some of the mental chaos and retrain your brain? But wait, there’s more! Now how much would you pay? Sorry ‘bout that. I kind of went off on an 80’s TV ad tangent there. Just a little glimpse at how scattered my thinking can be…

When you think about meditating, what do you picture? Is it a skinny man with a long beard sitting on a mountaintop? In my vision his eyes are closed, there’s a beatific smile on his face, his legs are folded, and his thumb and middle fingers are together resting on his knees. His mind is completely blank, and he is 100% in control of his own psyche. For a long time that was the unattainable image in my mind, and it kept me from even trying meditation, even as I explored quite a few other metaphysical pursuits. I dare say many of us can’t even imagine that level of serenity. Maybe it’s also kept you from giving it a shot. I wonder if it’s this vision of Beard Guy that causes people to roll up their mat and walk out of yoga class when everyone else is laying down for savasana, or final resting pose. Where do they suddenly need to be at that particular moment? Yes, yoga can be a great workout, but it’s also a moving meditation. It’s helping to slow down the mind, relax the body and promote stillness. Stillness can be scary, I get it. Just me and my thoughts? Uh oh. My monkey mind is leaping around from tree to tree, scarfing bananas and doing its best to undermine any hopes of attaining Beard-Guy-levels of inner peace.

What do I mean by Monkey Mind? It’s a concept from Buddhism that basically describes the little voices we all have in our heads. Don’t worry, I’m not talking about horror movie voices that encourage bad decisions. This is what I call the never-ending monologue that’s running in my mind. “What time does Aldi open again?” “Ohhh, we should make tacos for dinner!” “Wait, didn’t we just have tacos?” Blah blah blah. Sometimes it’s negative self-talk, but mostly it’s just regular day to day minutiae on repeat, which is fine (if thinking about tacos is wrong, I don’t want to be right), but this internal dialog never seems to let up. When your mind is constantly wandering, it can make it pretty hard to stay on track. This is the mental chatter that was cranked up full blast whenever I tried to meditate in the past. Half the time when I was laying down for savasana, I was debating what to have for lunch. Then I would get so frustrated and beat myself up because I’m unable to completely “clear my mind” for any length of time. But, F that. I've decided to finally listen to all the stuff I’ve read and been told by countless yoga teachers, and accept it for what it is. You mean, it’s okay that your mind wanders as you attempt to achieve stillness and hone in on the present moment? Yep. Take that little monkey by the hand, and lead him back to his tree to chill. There’s a reason why people call it a “meditation practice,” because it’s not something you’re trying to perfect. Distraction is NORMAL. Don’t fight it, just notice.

I’ve noticed that noticing is a big thing in meditation. As in, not judging, forcing, or getting all pissed off because you’re not a perfect little meditator. In a nutshell, all you have to do is breathe in, breathe out and pay attention to the breath. And if you start writing a grocery list in your mind,just start over. It’s not always easy, but it’s totally worth the effort. This is an ancient self-care tool that you can use anywhere, any time. The long term effect of gaining more control over your thoughts is a major benefit, but having a technique to help you CTFD in a pinch is good stuff too. For example, the last couple of weeks have been pretty rough. I’ve been feeling extra anxious, so I’ve ramped up my meditation practice just to keep myself in check. I particularly love guided meditations, where I listen to someone with a soothing voice using mental imagery to help me bliss out. It calms my mind and body, and it’s a great way to take a break and decompress when I start spiraling. What is it that’s so relaxing? Deep breathing. Stillness. And a much-needed reminder to unclench my jaw, and pull my shoulders down from around my ears. Instead of just mindlessly flailing around in fight or flight stress-out mode, reacting instead of responding, I’m making a conscious effort to be mindful.

People throw around the word “mindfulness” a lot these days. It’s just about being present, i.e. having focused awareness of yourself and your surroundings in the moment. Whether you’re eating, working, or just sitting around listening to the birds chirp, when you’re being mindful you’re actually paying full attention to that activity. Just gonna throw this out there: The present moment is the only thing that’s real. Wait! Don’t walk away. I swear, I’m not trying to become your new guru. Just think about it. The past? Over. The future? Not here yet. What’s left? NOW. It’s not quite so woo woo sounding when I put it like that is it? When you’re gently training your mind by consciously focusing on the breath, counting to ten, or even repeating a simple phrase in your head as you meditate, eventually your mind won’t yell “squirrel!” and run away as often. We can also think of meditation as exercise for your brain so that it’s always there when you need it. Being physically active and eating well is good for the rest of the body. Doesn’t our brain deserve the same treatment?

It’s funny, but sometimes even though what’s happening in the moment is actually pretty great-and we know it’s not going to last forever-we still kind of zone out mid-celebration, and start hunting around for the next dopamine hit. I feel like this is why people like TikTok so much. That video was entertaining, so now I want more and more and more. It appeals to our “That was fun. What’s next?” nature. I know I’m guilty of taking so many pictures and videos that instead of truly savoring the moment, I’m just standing behind my camera, worrying more about preserving memories for the future rather than just enjoying it right now. But when I put my phone down and start paying attention, everything is a little brighter. I feel more grateful. I’m happier. And even when I’m having a bad moment, mindfulness helps me remember that it’s just a moment, and it will pass. Do me a favor. Make yourself comfortable. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a sec, then open your mouth and let it go. Repeat. One more time. There, you just meditated for 20 seconds. In the words of my yoga teacher: “How is it now?”